OK!

LISTEN CAREFULLY,,,,,,......... WILL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE,,,

I've got a FULL bottle of Drambuie, it's sitting on the table with a black
background. Every time I take a shot the camera averages the scene out to be
18% grey  (as it should!!!!  (f.ck!! I NEW that!!!)  ) and the black
background ain't black..........       So ,,...     I've got THREE QUATERS
of a bottle of Drambuie on the table.          I set the camera ( EOS 5D )
to custom white balance, after taking a shot of a white subject....... (as
per Canon instructions )... and setting that as the custom white
balance......and I've still got grey!!!!!!!....      I know!!!,, I can put a
grey card in the first shot and sort it out in CS3 later but after a quarter
of a bottle of Drambuie I want to do it "in camera"...... I'm stuborn.. so
there!!!!     f.ck you............................              I've got
HALF a bottle of Drambuie, a little light is showing through it but the
background is still brasicly blaack..... Rightio I've tried
sevr..severi....several different exposures, over and under, f.ck knows why
I tried overexposing,,,,,,,( yeah, yeah, ok I know!)    BUT  it just allowed
more time to unschrew the cap I reckon,,, I recon, I do,  (YESHHH..........
it's a newisshhh bottle of Drrambuie, they did away with the cork
(WHY!!!!!!), thew ( ooops missed) (start again) the cork,,(caught up) they
now have a "scrwe",,,,...... NOPE..." screw
cap"...............................               I've got a QUARTER of a
bottle of Drambuie sitting on the table with a blackish sort of
background......  I can't get the fuckin' camera to focus......... (f u c k
i n '  C a n o n) ....... but that doesn't matter!!!!!!!...... the
background's shtill a greyish sort of colour or shhhum sort of that sot of
shhhit!! I juast reeeaed  a   book but thaaat din't hellup..sayyyyd sumpinn
but wus too mennieee
words.........................................................................
 THE FUCKIN BOTTLES EMPTY!!!!........  sh.t WHATA  I DO NOW!!!!.......
Lights Flooding Through the bottle.....the shot's rooond......... THE DAY'S
RUIINED.........what the hell do I do now....................OH
OK?!!................. DON'T PANNIC .........DON'T PANIK!!!? !!.......
Here's another Bottle!!.....(thank you dear)   Settle Down,,, take It easy,
Deep breaths.   NOPE it's blurry and it's grey........... HOW THE f.ck DO I
PHOTOGRAPH  BLACK!!!!!!!! (or to make it interesting...................HOW
DO I PHOTOGRAPH WHITE) It's getting dark..................Why's the floor
sooooo close to my nose..................... Yes dear,,............. I'm
coming to bed........ ( oh no not MORE sex!!!.............when will it
end!!!!!!!!!)......................................................... (WHEN
WILL IT END!!!!)               I love Photography.........(I think)

--
as the mayor of Hiroshima said
" WHAT THE f.ck WAS THAT!!!!!!!!!"